Fat, Family & Other F Words

FINDING What Not to Wear

2010-01-13T06:30:00.000-08:00

FINDING What Not to Wear

I'm watching a What Not To Wear's episode about a girl (Courtney) who lost 170 pounds. I'm grateful that I have not had to lose that much. I hope that I haven't gone to the extremes that she did … but I do recognize some things. I used to search for a loose fit. When you weigh 270, not a lot is loose. But anything that fits, showed my rolls … REALLY icky.

Now that I”ve lost some of the weight, I do have an urge to make up for lost time. I keep having to remind myself that I'm 55. Somethings will look ridiculous. I purchased a couple of dresses/skirts that may be too short. Leggings would be one way to handle it, but do 55 year old women wear leggings?

Like WNTW pointed out, I do find it easier to get a good fit in dresses or skirts, than in pants … but for the opposite reason that Courtney experienced. She has a smaller waist than the rest of her body would indicate. I'm just the opposite – still thick through the middle.

In my 20s, I wore a lot of turtlenecks. I have a long neck and well … there was a lot of room in a B cup. Then, it looked good. My body now is different. Stacy and Clinton made some points about the slimming and elongating effects of an open or V-neck.

Wednesday Morning Weigh-in,

2010-01-13T06:24:00.000-08:00

Still 190. I binged after Beth left. I missed walking Sunday because it was too windy. Yeah, I'm lucky I didn't gain.

When Your FAMILY Doesn’t Recognize Your FACE

2010-01-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

You know you’ve lost a lot of weight when your mother doesn’t recognize your pictures.

I sent pictures of the kids at Christmas to my sister-in-law to share with the western branch of the family. She commented on how much weight Eric has lost since she saw him last. He looks great. I mentioned that I’d lost 80 pounds and sent a picture. Mom didn’t know who it was.

I’ve told Mom several times that I was losing weight. I’ve always suspected that she didn’t listen, so this proves it.

It’s happened off and on for the past 2 years. People don’t recognize me till I speak. The voice is a give-away.

FUNNY Tuesday: A Weight Loss Plan for Men

2010-01-13T06:09:00.000-08:00

Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, etc. and none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he noticed a small ad that read, "Lose weight $1.00 a pound." And it simply listed a telephone number.
Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on the other end asked, "how much weight do you want to lose?"
To which the man responded, "ten pounds."
The voice replied, "very well, put you check in the mail and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."

About 9:00 A.M. the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, "if you catch me you can screw me".

Well the overweight fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally he did catch her and when he was through enjoying himself, she said, "quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself!" He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce!

That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end asked, "how much weight do you want to lose?"
To which the somewhat less overweight man replied, "twenty pounds".
"Very well", the voice on the phone told him, "put your check in the mail and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."

At about 8:00 A.M. the next morning the man receives a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only in track shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "if you catch me you can screw me". The chase took awhile longer this time but the man finally did catch her.
When he was through she told him, "quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself!" He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20 pounds!
"This is fantastic!" He thought to himself.

Later that evening he called the number again and the voice at the other end asked, "how much weight do you want to lose?"
"Fifty pounds!" The man exclaimed.
"Fifty pounds?" The voice asked. "That's an awful lot of weight to lose at one time."
The overweight man replied, "my check's already in the mail. You just have your representative over here in the morning." Then he hung up the phone.

About 6:00 A.M. the next morning the man gets out of bed and gets all fancied up, ready for the next representative. At about 7:00 A.M. he gets a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees this large gorilla with a sign around his neck stating, "If I catch you, I'm going to screw you."

FOOD is not love

2010-01-11T16:35:00.000-08:00

In preparation for the long drive to Chicago, Beth wanted me to run by the store. I got 5 kinds of snacks. Every time I think I'm getting a handle on emotional eating, I do something like this.

Of course, Wednesday night, it snowed. We loaded up the car and parked at the neighbor's. Their driveway doesn't blow shut … unlike mine. Beth was so excited that she barely slept. We left Thursday at 7:30 a.m., and didn't pull into our motel till 2. It normally takes half the time. Only one lane was plowed for most of the way. The road sludge on my windshield was like driving in fog. I thought they fixed the washers. Wrong!
Thursday night, neither one of us slept well. Strange bed. Excitement. Nerves. I paced around the motel room Friday morning and stuffed a bunch of treats in her luggage (which the airline has lost, by the way). At 11, we went to the airport and met Whitney. I got us lunch at Mickey D's. The girls checked in. When they went through security, I had to say good bye. I watched her for a few moments, but just standing there was … well, I was going to cry and there's no point in that.
The drive home was a breeze. I was seriously doubting the decision to go up a day early, until Guy Morris called. He'd been by to dig me out. There were about 15 inches of snow in my driveway. (It's low and drifts.)
Then at home, the silence set in. My youngest child is on the other side of the globe. I want her to have this adventure, but I'll definitely miss her. We didn't eat very many of those snacks in the hotel, but I plowed through a lot Friday night.

FOOD is not love.

She called this morning. She's so tired and stressed that she's teary, but that'll pass. She will remember the next few months for the rest of her life.

Monday's FAVORITE Web Site: Bugs

2010-01-11T16:24:00.000-08:00

Christopher Marley make art out of beauitful bugs.
http://www.formandpheromone.com/

FRIDAY FOTOS: Beth Says Good-Bye

2010-01-10T07:56:00.000-08:00

Thursday Video FEATURE: Palindrome

2010-01-09T18:26:00.000-08:00

No, it has nothing to do with Sarah Palin.

A palindrome reads the same backwards as forward.

This video reads the exact opposite backwards as forward.
Not only does it read the opposite, the meaning is the exact opposite..
This is only a 1 minute, 44 second video and it is brilliant.
Make sure you read as well as listen…forward and backward.

This is a video that was submitted in a contest by a 20-year old. The contest was titled "u @ 50" by AARP. This video won second place. When they showed it, everyone in the room was awe-struck and broke into spontaneous applause. So simple and yet so brilliant. Take a minute and watch it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

Not FREEZING Your Toes Off

2010-01-09T11:05:00.000-08:00

Why buy a treadmill, when outside is such a pretty place to walk? WEATHER! The Midwest has plunged into the deep freeze, but I managed to walk outside over the weekend … once. I’m not crazy. As long as the wind is low, you can bundle up and stay warm.

I wore 2 of everything ... 2 hats (a knit cap and my hood) ... 2 shirts (a turtleneck and sweatshirt) ... 2 coats (Ok, it’s actually a 2-piece windbreaker and quilted coat that can be zipped together) ... 2 pairs of sweatpants ... 2 pairs of gloves (a knit pair on the inside and a pair of leather work gloves over that) ... and 2 pairs of socks

It wasn’t that bad. The first 10 or 15 minutes was chilly until the exercise warmed me up. After that I was fine … even my ears and fingers were comfy. Then, I started walking into the wind. I didn’t notice it while it was at my back. But full on my face was uncomfortable.

At one point, I walked back wards for a bit, to give my nose a break. (It’s a big nose and sticks out a long way. The poor thing chills easily.) Yeah, walking backwards was not a good idea. I walk with my dogs and Annie (the black hole of need) tends hover around me. Not all the time, but apparently when I walk backward. I tripped over her. Fortunately I was wearing so many clothes, that it really wasn’t that bad.

Wednesday Morning Weigh-In

2010-01-06T15:34:00.000-08:00

Well, finally. Today, I hit 190 again. I'm not sure I deserved to lose weight this week, but am grateful for it. Beth has been saying good bye to food she won't get while she's in England. We've had mac and cheese, Asian B, Taco Bell and pizza -- all the Amercian staples. My weight loss this week was a miracle.

FINDING Resolution

2010-01-06T14:47:00.000-08:00

It’s the resolution time of year … the season when every other commercial is on taxes, quitting smoking or (you guessed it) losing weight.

If you only need to drop a few pounds, it’s a good time to go for it. But for those people, like me, who allowed weight to become a real problem, you need more than a diet.

You need to change.

I’ve been trying to change for the past 2 years. In the process, I’ve lost 80 pounds and that’s good. But I wouldn’t say I have the problem licked.

My New Year’s Resolutions are

to drop the remaining 30 pounds,
to keep exercising,
and to work on not eating unless I’m actually hungry … not bored, depressed or all the other emotional reasons I turn to food.

FUNNY Tuesday: FITNESS Thoughts

2010-01-05T12:37:00.000-08:00

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is!

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up?

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't jog... it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

Looking for Other FATTIES

2010-01-05T12:31:00.000-08:00

I signed up for Google alerts on “diet” and “calories” ... just to see what else is out there. Everyone is trying to sell you something. I’m not.

I’ve lost 80 pounds. I’m trying to lose another 30. This blog is about how I’ve done it and … well, a lot of other stuff I find interesting. I don’t belong to any weight loss program. I don’t have a personal trainer. I’m just eating les junk and walking.

And since I’m miles from perfect (I used to weight 270 … so MILES from perfect), I’m also pretty open about my mistakes.

I’d like to talk to other people, like me, who want to feel better and weigh less.

Monday's FAVORITE Web Site: 50 in 52 Journey

2010-01-05T12:13:00.000-08:00

Dafna Michaelson, a single mom, set out to interview one person is each state that was moving Amercia forward. These are her stories.
http://www.50in52journey.com/

Diet Quote from Totie Fields

2010-01-05T12:08:00.000-08:00

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days. -- Totie Fields

FRIDAY FOTOS: Christmas with the Kids

2010-01-03T12:47:00.000-08:00

Thursday Double Feature Videos

2009-12-31T10:22:00.000-08:00

LED Sheep - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2FX9rviEhw

New way to clean your monitor screen - Http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf

Wednesday Morning Weigh-In

2009-12-30T11:00:00.000-08:00

I got a gift. I have not been good over the past week. Steak for Christmas Eve dinner. Chocolates. Goodies in the break room. Miraculously, I have not gained. I'm still 191. Now if I can just get back to losing 5 pounds a month, I could be at goal by the end of June.

Diet Quote from Jackie Gleason

2009-12-30T10:54:00.000-08:00

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you're off it. -- Jackie Gleason

FAULTS and FAUX pas

2009-12-30T10:47:00.000-08:00

For more images like this, go to http://www.glasbergen.com/

The days after Christmas are mine fields in advertising. Did you get all the Santa-gift-Christmas commercials out of the system? People often work late on Christmas Eve in hopes of NOT hearing holiday messages on the 26th. B100 missed some. Saturday, when Beth and I were on the way to the QC to shop, we heard a Christmas Eve bar party run every half hour – 2 days too late. One of the cable channels ran a holiday spot yesterday.

All holidays have a little of this effect. Even seasons. Fix your air conditioning in October. Snowmobiles in May. These are bad. But Christmas is an orgy of buying messages and therefore the time you’re most likely to miss something.

I’m grateful to Mandy, because I think we came through clean this year.

FUNNY Tuesday: Your Jiggling Jog

2009-12-29T08:32:00.000-08:00

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, "Well, she looks good doesn't she."

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years ... just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

Monday's FAVORITE Web Site: Wine Library

2009-12-28T10:19:00.000-08:00

A site for people who are interested in wine, but bored by wine snobs.
http://tv.winelibrary.com/

FINDING a FOOD Opportunity

2009-12-28T09:14:00.000-08:00

Image from http://www.worth1000.com/

I try to plan … really, I do. Yogurt plus fruit for breakfast = 200 calories. Mid-morning … a couple of cups of coffee with creamer = 100. Lean Cuisine for lunch = 300. Afternoon snack = fruit or a 100 calorie pack. That leaves 400 to 500 for supper and another 100 for an evening snack. That’s the plan.
Then life happens. This time of year, the break room is full of goodies … brownies … fudge … iced sugar cookies. The “have-one-and-then-stop” philosophy does not work for me. Once the taste is in my mouth, I think about it a lot ... too much.

I’ve tried avoiding the break room. On a busy day that works, providing I don’t get a coffee urge … and no one mentions it to me. If I’m out seeing clients all morning, the announcers may eat everything before I hit the office. They frequently start between 4 and 5 a.m. At 10 or 11 a.m., they get the mid-afternoon munchies.

I have very little resistance to temptation … particularly sweets. I do not have a good strategy for this, but next week it will be over.

FRIDAY Fotos: Office Party

2009-12-28T09:02:00.000-08:00

Brian (Mr. Plaid Shirt) is the program director. That means the music, the promotions and anything that takes place over multiple shows is his baby. He does a great job. Any way, he and the announcers got to talking about old school video games and Brian mentioned that he never had an Atari. He played at his friends house and always wanted one. So LaGrow (the King of E-Bay) found one and we all gave it to Brian for Christmas.

FESTIVE and FUNNY: A Fireman's Christmas

2009-12-27T16:36:00.000-08:00

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You damn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here ... The three wise man came from afar.

FUTILE Work Days

2009-12-24T10:00:00.000-08:00

The first media to provide 24/7/365 access was radio. Today with voice tracking and other technology, holidays are easier on the announcing staff, but they were still all in today. Since they’re working, the sales staff is here, too.
There are 2 types of Christmas Eve hours – businesses that are closed and businesses that are swamped. And when they cease to be swamped, they’re closed, too. Neither wants to see a salesperson today. Black Friday is the same way.

There are commercials that need to be changed. No one wants to hear about Santa and gifts on the 26th. But those really should be done earlier, because the announcers need time to produce the commercials.

However in the name of treating everyone the same, here we all sit … wasting time.

Thursday Double FEATURE Videos

2009-12-24T08:17:00.000-08:00

Wish You A Merry Chistmas -
Click on each reindeer after a short pause!
You can also click on Santa to make him stop dancing.
http://www.glenn.tapley.us/MC.swf

Christmas card from Ashland College in Ohio - http://ecard.ashland.edu/2004admission/index.html

FESTIVE and FUNNY: Entering Heaven on Christmas

2009-12-24T07:31:00.000-08:00

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's glasses. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied ..."They're Carol's."

Wednesday Morning Weight-In

2009-12-23T08:50:00.000-08:00

I breifly visited 190, but now I'm back to 191. I thought, "MaYbe I ought to take down the 80-pounds bit," but that's negative thinking. I WILL get back there!

FESTIVE and FUNNY: 12 Redneck Days of Christmas

2009-12-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

12 pack of Bud

11 wrestling tickets

10 cans of Copenhagen

9 years probation

8 table dancers

7 packs of Redman

6 cans of Spam

5 Flannel Shirts

4 mud tires

3 shotgun shells

2 hunting dogs

and a part to a Mustang GT

FRIDAY at the Gym

2009-12-22T14:43:00.000-08:00

There’s something noble and long-suffering about going to the gym on a Friday night. That or it just shouts, “I HAVE NO LIFE.” Between moving Beth home from college and the office party, I missed 2 nights at the gym, so Pat, the martyr for her diet, went to the gym on Friday night.

There was no waiting. I got right on my favorite machine. In fact, there was only one other person there. We discussed our extreme self-sacrifice in the name of being slender. It’s a bond we’ll always share.

FESTIVE and FUNNY: Why Santa's Asking For A Raise

2009-12-22T14:30:00.000-08:00

10. The hours, the weather, the trend toward smaller chimneys.
9. Nike won't give him a lucrative side-contract.
8. Reindeer and elves have unionized, driving up his cost.
7. New tax on flying sleighs.
6. Insurance for flying a sleigh has tripled over the past two years.
5. Needs extra cash to cover off-season gambling losses.
4. Air traffic controllers demanding higher kickbacks.
3. Cost of living increase at the North Pole.
2. Children don't leave as many cookies as they used to.
1. The Mrs. told him to.

FUNNy Tuesday: The 4 Major FOOD Groups

2009-12-22T08:25:00.000-08:00

WHAT ARE THE FOUR MAJOR FOOD GROUPS?

For CHOCOHOLICS: DARK CHOCOLATE, WHITE CHOCOLATE, BROWNIES and FUDGE.

For HEAVIES: FAT, SALT, SUGAR, and CAFFEINE.

For BACHELORS: FAST, FROZEN, JUNK, and SPOILED.

For DRINKERS: MALT, BARLEY, HOPS, and YEAST

FOOD at the Office Party

2009-12-21T15:49:00.000-08:00

The owner’s wife is a great gal. She invited all the staff from her husband’s 10 stations and her son’s 2 over for dinner. We often don’t have Christmas parties … partly because it’s so crazy in broadcasting at this time of year … and partly because our local GM is just not a party-planning guy. That’s not criticism. Neither am I. I’ve tried, but I don’t have any fun at my own parties – a bad sign.

Jane did most (maybe all) of the cooking herself. There was a big buffet and I kept trying to remember the 15 Tips for Restrained feasting.(http://fatfamilyotherfwords.blogspot.com/2009/11/fifteen-tips-for-restrained-feasting.html ) I took a small plate. Tried to focus on fruits and veggies. Then I found people in another part of the house to talk to. Had a lot of fun and really wasn’t tempted, because I could not see the goodies.

... UNTIL the last half hour. Yeah, I had a little wine. Everyone was into deserts. I have a serious sweet tooth … so I went back. I wasn’t too awful, but if I’d left a half hour earlier, I’d be several hundred calories lighter.

FESTIVE and FUNNY: The "Technical" Version of the Night Before Christmas

2009-12-21T15:45:00.000-08:00

Sometime it's not what you do, it's HOW you do it. Here is the Night before Christmas as If Written By a Technical Writer for a Firm That Does US Government Contracting

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."

Monday's FEATURED Website: Despair.com

2009-12-21T10:28:00.000-08:00

We've all seen those trite "motivational" posters.
Despair.com mocks them with style.
Look and enjoy. http://despair.com/

Diet Quote from Totie Fields

2009-12-21T10:05:00.000-08:00

A diet is a system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer. -- Totie Fields

FUNNY: Last Week on Late Night

2009-12-21T09:50:00.000-08:00

"Good news, ladies and gentlemen. Retail sales this year are up. That is fantastic news for the economy of China." -David Letterman

"Governor Schwarzenegger is in a bit of a feud with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin right now. They're fighting about global warming. Palin says it isn't proven. Schwarzenegger said she's 'living in the Stone Age.' And Palin really should know not to mess with Arnold Schwarzenegger. This guy has been systematically terminating women named Sarah for many years now." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Well, according to our NBC affiliate in Wilmington, North Carolina, former Democratic presidential candidate John 'I am not the father' Edwards has reportedly bought a home for his former mistress. See, that's why John Edwards thinks there are two Americas. He's got two different women living in two different houses." -Jay Leno

"Hey, did you hear about those five American Muslims who went to Pakistan and tried to join up and become terrorists with al Qaeda? Well, they got rejected. Al Qaeda rejected them -- this is true -- because they lacked the proper credentials and references. Isn't that unbelievable? Do you realize it's harder to get into al Qaeda than it is to get into the White House? That is wrong. Ridiculous!" -Jay Leno

FRIDAY FOTOS: Christmas Past with my Work FAMILY

2009-12-18T14:23:00.000-08:00

In 2003, the Laser was in the Galesburg Christmas Parade as the Rudolf TV Special.

Beth (13 or 14) is the soldier.

Eric Hansen is the elf that wanted to be a dentist.

LaGrow is the Abominable Snowman.

Brian is the Burl Ives, the narrator snowman.

In 2004, the WGIL group did a Peanut's Christmas.

It's Terry, Shannon, Will and I'm not sure who else.

Also in 2004, this is the Sales Sister's Christmas Party at Laurie's.

Left to Right: Molly (copy), Michele, Angie T., Angie B., Shannon (news), Laurie, Tracy and me.

Only 1/2 of us are still here.

My Changing FACE

2009-12-18T14:03:00.000-08:00

BEFORE (January 2008)

I really don’t think I look that different. Sure, there’s less of me … and there'd better be. But clients keep telling me that they didn’t recognize me.

The people I work with went through this a year ago. They’d see me crossing the street or out of the corner of their eye and pause before they realized who it was.

We’ve been distributing Christmas gifts this week and I’m just dropping in without an appointment. Maybe it's because people aren’t expecting me. Often the source of the comment is a spouse or supervisor —not the individual who works directly with the advertising. Still, it’s been 3 I-didn’t-recognize-you’s this week, so there must be something to it. One specifically commented that my face had changed the most.

Now ( November 2009)

Exercise Quote from Evan Eser

2009-12-17T09:15:00.000-08:00

Walking isn't a lost art -- one must, by some means, get to the garage. - Evan Esar

Thurday Double FEATURE Videos

2009-12-17T08:49:00.001-08:00

The perfect Couple on Christmas - http://www.flashfunpages.com/couple.swf
Boy's FAVORITE Christmas Gift - http://www.fm95online.com/mornings.html

Revising My FITNESS Plan

2009-12-16T15:19:00.000-08:00

In light of the increased temptation to munch this month, I’ve decided to be pro-active and try to increase my exercise.

Weekends: When I started this diet (January 2008), I gave myself the weekends off from exercise. That is until Thanksgiving, when I was trying to undo my excesses. I plan to continue walking 4 miles a day on the weekends.
The dogs love it. I went to the mailbox the other day and they pouted when I turned back to the house. They thought we were heading out. I’d been concerned that 4 miles was too much for them, but apparently I was wrong.
Another plus: I see more of my neighbors. Since my kids are away, I no longer run into people at high school functions. Since I started walking, I’ve chatted with several people I wouldn’t have seen otherwise. It’s nice.
I burn close to 900 calories over the weekend plus bonding with my dogs and the neighbors. Everybody wins.
It’s a good plan … until there’s a blizzard … or –20 wind-chill.

Treadmill: 4 Days a week

50 reps on the pullover arm machine at 40 pounds. (Should be more, but I’ve twisted or strained something, so am taking it easy.
First 10 minutes – 15% incline ... 3 minutes at 3.6 mph .. 3 minutes at 3.7 mph .. 4 minutes at 3.8 mph
Second 10 minutes at 14% incline .. 5 minutes at 3.9 mph ... 5 minutes at 4 mph
Third 10 minutes at 13% incline ... 5 minutes at 4.1 mph ... 5 minutes at 4.2 mph
End – 12% incline at 4.3 mph until I hit 400 calories burned.

I’m not sure how accurately the treadmill measures calories. It doesn’t take my current weight into account.
Every few months, I need to lop off the bottom number and add to the top. That is until I hit my goal weight.
I’ve found the treadmill is MUCH easier on Monday, now that I’m exercising over the weekend.

Pilate’s: Classes start again in mid-January. An hour of Pilate’s burns about 300 calories. I can continue doing 3 nights on the treadmill and 1 of Pilate’s or switch to 2 each. I think the Pilate's would do my core more good twice a week, but it does burn fewer calories. OR I could do 3 nights on the treadmill, 2 of Pilate’s and zero nights off. I’ll decide in January

Wednesday Morning Weigh-In

2009-12-16T10:10:00.000-08:00

191 today, but I hit 190 on Friday. Then the weekend happened. Sound familiar?

Anyway, I am confident that I will get there.

FROZEN

2009-12-15T12:25:00.000-08:00

I’m one of those people who focuses at work and forgets the rest of my life till I walk out the door. It has a downside.

It stormed here Tuesday and blew on Wednesday. Took me 2 or 3 tries to get in my drive. By Thursday, things calmed down and I was going to call Craig to plow … but I got busy at work and forgot. Consequently, it took another 2 or 3 tries to get in Thursday night.

By Friday, you’d think I’d have learned my lesson. Craig is 22, so I assume he’s not an early riser. I planned to call him mid-morning. Got to work. Got busy. Went to the gym. (Normally Friday is my night off, but I missed Tuesday and Wednesday.) Stopped by the grocery store, because we were out of dog food. (Going to the store when you haven’t had supper, but have walked a couple of miles on the treadmill is … bad … very bad.)

I didn’t think about my driveway again till close to 8, when I was 10 minutes from home. Oh well, I’d managed to get in the past 2 night. I could do it again, right? Wrong. The plow had been through and I couldn’t see exactly where my drive met the road. I rounded off the corner a little too much. So I said a few words and put it in reverse. It backed up a yard or 2 and stopped. Forward … inches. Backward … nothing.

Of course, I didn’t have the good sense to stop them. No, I had to spin my tires awhile. Finally, I decided to grab what I could (NOT the 40 pound bag of dog food), turn on my hazards (My left bumper was in the road a bit.) and head inside. Ate and changed clothes. A half hour later, the dogs and I headed back out. I dug and cussed, while several people slowed down to stare and then went on. After about a half hour, one of the gawkers stopped.
“Do you need some help, mam?”
“Oh, I was just an idiot. Lived here 30 years, but I turned too soon for the drive.”
“Well, that doesn’t mean you don’t need help.”

Sounds like a line out of a script, but it’s true. He hooked a chain to the back and pulled me out. I have no idea who he is. Since it was dark, I might not even recognize him in the daylight.

But I really appreciate it.

Anyway, I parked at the neighbors for the night. Their drive doesn’t drift shut. Saturday, I called Craig.

FUNNY Tuesday: THE COPING DIET

2009-12-15T08:01:00.000-08:00

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day.

Breakfast

1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

Lunch

1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's kiss

Afternoon Snack

The rest of the Hershey kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips

Dinner

4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars

Late Night Snack

1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

Diet Quote from Jenny Craig

2009-12-15T07:49:00.000-08:00

It's not what you do once in a while, it's what you do day in and day out that makes the difference. - Jenny Craig

Milking a FIASCO

2009-12-14T15:47:00.000-08:00

News in the new millennium is a 24/7 businesses. They need a new development every few hours to keep on top. This being said, I am sick to death of the Tiger Woods story. A wealthy man has a collection of affairs. How is this news? Every moderately attractive Jane Doe looking for her 15-minutes of fame has suddenly slept with the Tiger. When did he have time to play golf?

Yes, I was interested in the beginning – mostly because the solution seemed to be buying off the wife. Women have received jewelry or fur coats to compensate for marital mishaps for decades, but I’d never seen an outright cash settlement. It’s been a week. His mother-in-law's stomach cramps led the evening news. It’s time to move on.

I don’t care if Brittany Spears shaves her head, again.

I don’t care if Kanye West prefers Beyonce to Taylor Swift.

If the “balloon boy” does anything,

I DON’T CARE.

Monday's FAVORITE Website: Side Taker

2009-12-14T10:48:00.000-08:00

Do you get tired of being politically correct and not taking sides? Here’s your chance and no on can get pissed off. Go it to http://www.sidetaker.com/

Fighting with your significant? Arguing with a friend, roommate, or co-worker? Who's right and who's wrong? Air out your differences anonymously while letting people of the world give you advice and make the decision on who should apologize.

Let The World Decide Who's At Fault.

Diet Quote from Cyril Connolly

2009-12-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

Obesity is a mental state, a disease brought on by boredom and disappointment. ~Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave.

FUNNY: Last Week on Late Night

2009-12-11T14:35:00.000-08:00

'In light of the fact that Tiger has comported himself in a manner utterly lacking in character, dignity, and ethical integrity, I am withdrawing Tiger Woods from consideration for the Congressional Gold Medal and instead I'm recommending that he run for Congress.'" - A California congressman, Joe Baca, as quoted by Jimmy Kimmel

"Congress was hard at work today trying to come up with a fair playoff system for college football. Congress was working on this. Meanwhile, the NCAA spent the afternoon kicking around ideas for how to win the war in Afghanistan." -Jimmy Fallon

"The Salahis -- now these are the people that crashed the state dinner at the White House for the prime minister of India. It looks like they're going to be subpoenaed now by the House Homeland Security committee, and I'm thinking why bother? They'd probably show up anyway." -David Letterman

"Rush Limbaugh says black people are depressed because President Obama isn't doing a very good job. That proving, once again, that no one has their finger on the pulse of the African-American community like Rush Limbaugh." -Conan O'Brien

"Some people are upset about President Obama's prime time speech tonight because it bumped ABC's airing of 'A Charlie Brown Christmas,' or as Fox News reported it, 'Obama ruins Christmas for a depressed bald kid.'" -Conan O'Brien

"In his speech on the economy, President Obama said that we have to 'continue to spend our way out' of the recession. Now, I don't know much about economics, but aren't we like a trillion dollars in debt? Spending our way out of the recession? Isn't that like trying to drink your way out of alcoholism? I'm just saying." -Jay Leno

"New reports on Sarah Palin's 'Going Rogue' bus tour. They say she's been traveling on private planes to various stops and then just hops in the bus at the local town. So, let's see what you got. You have Sarah Palin, who's no longer governor, who's promoting a book she didn't actually write by going on a bus tour which is not really a bus. Her big complaint? Politicians who aren't real." -Jay Leno

"Hey, this is absolutely true. There's an organization now called 'Draft Dick Cheney for President, 2012.' Yeah. Good luck with that. They tried to draft Dick Cheney five times during Vietnam. That didn't work." -Jay Leno

"Everybody's talking about President Obama's speech last night. He's sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. Right now, in Scandinavia, the Nobel Committee is really rethinking the whole peace prize." -Craig Ferguson

The FINGER of Hypocrisy

2009-12-11T12:22:00.000-08:00

Do you have to be a hypocrite to be a good parent?

The snowplow woke me up at 5 a.m. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I went downstairs to hand wash the dish build-up. (Broken dishwasher - http://fatfamilyotherfwords.blogspot.com/2009/12/frenzy-of-broken-stuff.html ) At that time of day, there’s not much on TV – Roseanne, Angel or Crossing Jordan. I chose Roseanne. Always thought she was hysterical … partly because she is … and partly because my ex hated her. (Do the honesty points outweigh the pettiness debits in a remark like that?)

In this episode, Becky (the good girl) is in a yearbook photo flipping the bird. Suddenly, Becky’s friends think she’s cool and Roseanne is a bad parent. As expected, Becky is punished, but Roseanne and Dan did stuff like that at her age. Are they hypocrites?

If you were a perfect priss, then you may not have these problems. I wasn’t. I’ve tried not to sweat the small stuff. But when the small stuff gets big, would I have been better to catch it early?

EXAMPLE: Early in his junior year, my son wrecked a 30-year old pick up. The passengers were shook up, but no one was hurt. He felt horrible and I thought that was enough. 5 or 6 weeks later, he wrecked my car. Turned left in front of an on-coming vehicle and totaled it. If I had come down on him for the truck, maybe he wouldn’t have. But I had car mishaps at his age. Would being a hypocrite have been the right decision? I’ll never know.

FRIDAY FOTOS: First Snow

2009-12-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

FIRST Blizzard of the Year

2009-12-10T12:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, they beat storm warnings to death.

Local weather information is one thing that radio has. TV can interrupt your programs and annoy you. The Internet is frequently behind. When you work at a radio station, incoming storms cause a flurry of activity. Sometimes it’s all for nothing.

Yesterday night’s snowfall was predicted to be 6 to 12 inches. The temperature did not drop as fast as expected, so we got a lot of it as rain. Yes, the roads are a skating rink, but there’s less blowing snow.

I got up at 6:30 this morning, wondering if I’d be staying home. When I looked outside, it was clear. Feed the pets. Took a shower. Looked out again at 7:30 and couldn’t see across the road to my neighbor’s house. There’s 30 to 40 miles between the Mississippi River and me… and it’s flat as a tabletop. The wind can be furious. What snow we had, was air born.

I started making phone calls. The morning air staff is in by 4:30 or 5 a.m., so they’d had no problem. (Don’t feel too bad for them. They get to leave around lunch.) The people who live in town had no problem, because blowing snow isn’t an issue for them. Michele’s dad runs a snowplow. He told her to stay home for a few hours. I decided to follow his advice. About 10, she called to say she was going to try it.

To stay home or drive in bad weather? I never know if I’ve made a good call till I’m 10 or 15 minutes from home. Sometimes, I realize I’ve been a weenie and could have left earlier. Other times, the roads are worse than expected and I wonder if I’ve lost my mind.

I hit several patches of whiteout. Makes me nervous. Then, there was the idiot going 15 mph without his lights on. Now if that’s all the faster he can handled … well, he knows his own reflexes and tires … BUT he needs to turn on his lights. I was 3 car-lengths away, before I saw him. Pulled up beside him where I entered the highway, and he’s talkin’ on his cell. What if he hit a slick spot!

A Quartet of FEATURED Videos on Christmas Lights

2009-12-10T10:38:00.000-08:00

Frisco Christmas Lights - Wizards in Winter - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szLmAPW39uE

Christmas Light Show - Amazing Grace Techno - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTbpuQzMnxA

Christmas Eve in Sarajevo - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0IwpRzWL_4

Christmas Lights Synchronized to TSO Nutcracker - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJISYEbPF4E

Exercise Quote from Chris Adams

2009-12-10T07:51:00.000-08:00

People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that's the problem. ~Chris Adams

A FRENZY of Broken Stuff

2009-12-09T12:44:00.000-08:00

Everything breaks at once. Three weeks ago, my furnace only blew cold air. Yes, I had fuel. The motor was dead. $200. Two weeks ago, my brakes started leaking. $250. Last week, my computer at home quit recognizing the hard drive. (Had it lost weight? Changed its hair color? I don’t know.) The tech wizard at work thinks it will be 2 figures. I suggested a social function with a few hors’doeuvres. “Computer, this is your hard drive. Hard Drive, meet your computer.” The tech thinks I’m weird.

Now, the dishwasher only wants to rinse the dishes. It won’t wash. It’s only 2-years old. In Pat World, dishwashers don’t break after 2 years … but I am known to have fantasies. The appliance store told me to reboot it. What? When did this start?

I went down to the basement and tried to figure out what breaker is connected to which appliance. Eventually (Translation: 15 or 20 minutes later and several trips back up the stairs), I switched off the right breaker. As instructed, I turned it back on 45 minutes later. Sure enough, it works great.

Maybe I need to be rebooted. It might clear all the bugs out of my system

Wednesday Morning Weigh-in

2009-12-09T11:39:00.000-08:00

191! All Right! Unfortunately with the blizzard, I didn't get to exercise last night and may not get to tonight either ... But still, YIPPEE!

One more pound, and I will have lost 30 pounds in 2009 and 80 pounds total.

Gravel Road FITNESS

2009-12-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

I think (hope) I’ve found a way to bust through this plateau. It always boils down to “Eat less. Exercise more.” Right now, I’m having a problem eating less, so I’m trying to exercise more on the weekends.

I fractured my diet over Thanksgiving, so I decided to walk 4 miles a day that Saturday and Sunday. Maybe, it would undo the damage. Why can’t I just keep that up? So this weekend, I did the same. At my weight, walking 4 miles in an hour burns up 432 calories. If you weight more, you’ll burn more calories. This is the calorie calculator I used - http://walking.about.com/library/cal/uccalc1.htm It doesn’t consider the incline.

According to the treadmill at the gym, I’m burning 400 calories - 3 nights a week. I’m not sweating for an hour, but I'm walking up hill. All totaled, I’m exercising off 2,000 calories per week. A pound is 3,600 calories. Providing I keep my eating under control, I should lose 3 to 5 pounds a month. Of course, that’s the rub. Exercise more, but don’t eat more.

FUNNY Tueday: Diet Rules

2009-12-08T07:55:00.000-08:00

1. If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.

4. Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count. Example: hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Example: Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints and Tootsie Rolls.

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.

8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.

9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories. Examples: Peanut Butter on a knife and ice cream on a spoon.

10. Food of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.

11. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.

Diet Quote from Isaac Asimov

2009-12-08T07:29:00.000-08:00

The first law of dietetics seems to be if it tastes good, it’s bad for you. - Isaac Asimov

Monday's FAVORITE Website: Dave Barry

2009-12-07T14:03:00.000-08:00

Sunday, June 27, 1993, Dave Barry wrote a great column about pop tarts catching fire in a toaster. (It's a guy thing.) It's still bouncing around the Internet. I know because I just forwarded it to a couple of guys I work with. One plans to recreate the experiment on video. The other is a volunteer fireman. He's going to use it at a meeting. I work with crazy people ... and I suspect I belong here.

Here's the column: http://www.davebarry.com/natterings_files/poptarts.htm

And here's the front door to Dave Barry's site. http://www.davebarry.com/

I wonder what the shelf life is for viral e-mails?

Diet Quote from Kirstie Alley

2009-12-07T13:42:00.001-08:00

I was really tired of words like 'plus size,' 'round' and 'large.' I thought, 'Come on, we're fat.' -- Kirstie Alley

Diet Quote from Marilu Henner

2009-12-07T13:42:00.000-08:00

It is now common knowledge that the average American gains 7 pounds between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day. -- Marilu Henner

FINDING a Look: Your Work Wardrobe.

2009-12-07T13:41:00.000-08:00

Work appropriate changes every few years. During the “dressed for success” 80s, I was advised to wear a navy suit and put a bow around my neck. Loosing weight has meant replacing everything I own, so I’ve been giving this some thought.

PERCEPTIONS: I would do the same caliber of work, whether I came to the office in a 3-piece suit or sweatpants and stripper heels. However, I would be perceived differently … very differently. Most people make judgments based on perceptions, not careful study. Sadly, it is easier to look like you do good work than it is to actually do it.

SALES: Sales calls are a job interview. Dress accordingly. Your clothes need to say, “Hire me. I’ll do great work.” Think about who you’re calling on. In a perfect world, you need to dress slightly better than they do. Here in the real world, you may see a banker at 9, a fast food franchise at 11 and the owner of an auto repair shop at 2. Dress for the most conservative. Lastly, the more intangible your product, the more conservatively you should dress.

TV: Just because you see someone wear it on TV doesn’t mean you should. 1) It may not look good on you. 2) In a work situation, you need to look creditable. Starlets are after something else. If you must model yourself after the tube, look at newscasters. No, I don’t mean the celebrity news lightweights. Pick someone people value like Katie Couric or Meredith Vieira.

NECKLINES: Keep the girls under wraps. If you have a large chest (C cup and up) a tiny cleavage crack may be unavoidable, but try. Women will “tsk, tsk” and men will become … distracted. The point of work clothes is to look trustworthy and knowledgeable. Save “hot little numbers” for date night.

UNDERWEAR: I don’t care if you wear granny panties or go commando … BUT no one should ever see it. This includes bra straps and panty lines. Contrary to popular belief, if your thong is several sizes too small, there will be a line. (Should you choose the commando option, there had better NEVER be evidence of it … really, never.)

DENIM: NEVER wear worn, faded or torn denim to any professional level job. However, there are times when a well-made, dark-washed denim pant is acceptable. The idea that jeans are OK on Friday, but not Monday or Wednesday is ridiculous. Do you plan to sell less on Friday? If you are wearing denim, pair it with a blazer, low-key earrings and classic shoes. In other words, keep everything else conservative.

SKIRT LENGTH: Mini shirts do not belong at work for the same reason low necklines don’t. Slightly above the knee is as far as you should go.

T SHIRTS: I work at a radio station. Clothing with the station logo is required for a remote broadcast. Other than that, a t-shirt with a heat-transfer, logo, graphic or pocket is unacceptable in a professional level job. However, a short-sleeved, round-necked top is fine, when worn under a blazer or vest. I would avoid wearing it with the denim pant discussed above. Elevate the rest of your apparel to compensate for the T-shirt.

SHOES: Flip-flops are OK in the yard, but not on the job. Ditto tennis shoes. I don’t care how much they cost. 3-inch heels are a bad idea, too.

MEN - NECKTIES & BLAZERS: If you wear one, you may be able to skip the other. (This depends on your community and job category. Lawyers and bankers, no.) An un-tucked shirt is not the best choice. However if you must, you need both blazer and tie to compensate … or one and a sweater (pullover, not cardigan). The un-tucked look is completely wrong, if the man is overweight.

EARRINGS ON WOMEN: An inch to an inch and a half is plenty. If your look is moderate is other ways, you can indulge yourself a little more. It’s like denim or T-shirts. If the rest of the look is conservative, your can push it a little in one area.

EARRINGS ON MEN: Leave them at home. A job is about earning money, not self-expression.

TATOOS: It’s the same as underwear. What they don’t see is none of their business. I’ve worked with a guy since ’01, who has KISS all across his back. I only found out a couple of years ago. He never wears anything to work that lets it show. If you have a visible tattoo, you’re subject to the stereotypes regarding them. MORAL: Don’t get one, where it can’t be covered.

SKIN: In a professional situation, you do not show skin between your neckline and knees. Cover your belly button and butt crack.

EXCEPTIONS: There are certain corporate cultures, where these rules can be bent … even fractured. Look at your boss’s boss. What does he or she wear? I work with business people in the Midwest, who spend a few hundred to $50,000 per year on advertsing. In other words, these are good guidelines for a moderately conservative population.

FAITHFUL

2009-12-04T11:33:00.000-08:00

Can you put a price tag on being faithful in your marriage? Is there a monetary cost for cheating on your spouse?

Tiger Woods has had a bad week. Up until today, I thought he had handled it as well as could be expected. Although the best way to deal with this would have been to not screw around in the first place.

Fame and money can be an aphrodisiac. Remember Henry Kissinger back in the 70s? Starlets were all over that guy and he was far from pretty. Add in good-looking and temptation will continue to throw herself at Tiger Woods. I’m not making excuses for him, but he didn’t get in this mess by himself.

Whether or not Elin Woods wishes to continue in the marriage is up to her. He has a job, where he will be gone a lot. A certain type of women will always be available … and eager. History has a tendency to repeat itself. How much is this going to affect her? They have kids and other people to consider. Ann Landers used to have a great question. “Is your life better with him or without him?”

What disturbs me is she’s being offered money to stay. It sounds like she’s for sale. I understand the value of a prenup. I’ve even advised a friend to have it done. It’s one thing to protect your pre-marital assets, but this is putting a dollars and cents value on something that is beyond money. She should be insulted, but apparently she’s not. The Sun Times is reporting that the retail value of Elin Woods remaining in the marriage has 7-figure price tag.

You can pretend that she’s “staying for the children.” But if mommy charges daddy 5-million dollars to stay married, no one is setting a good example.

FRIDAY FOTOS: A Walk With the Dogs

2009-12-04T08:37:00.000-08:00

Exercise Quote from Joey Adams

2009-12-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all. ~Joey Adams

Thursday Double FEATURE Video: Straight No Chaser

2009-12-03T11:45:00.000-08:00

Christmas Can-Can - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E-47VmFopE

12 Days of Christmas - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28GUU1YbP_E

FINICKY

2009-12-03T11:19:00.000-08:00

It never occurred to me that FINICKY might be good.

My parents believed that good children ate all their dinner. They lived through shortages during the depression and WW2. Wasting food was a sin. To hear my parents tell it, I didn’t have a lot of positive qualities, but I could clean my plate.

There are very few foods I won’t eat. Really hot seasonings are uncomfortable. Lima beans – more because of texture than taste. Frozen and fresh peas are fine, but the canned ones look icky. The outside split open and the insides squeeze out. I wrote a whole paper on why I hate peas in 4th grade. That’s about it. But I’ve been thinking. Getting pickier might be good.

Think of calories like money or closet space. There’s only so much. You can grab what comes along first … or hold out for the good stuff. Because if you try to eat everything … yeah, you’ll end up weighing 270 pounds. I know.

Wednesday Weigh-In

2009-12-02T08:23:00.000-08:00

Back to 193. It could be worse. After walking 9 miles this weekend, I had hoped for better.

Quote for 12/2/09: Jeremiah on a Needle in the Haystack

2009-12-02T08:21:00.000-08:00

Jeremiah: It's like lookin' for a needle in a haystack.

Kurdy: I guess we're gonna have to do it the way you find a needle in a haystack. Sit on it 'till somethin' sticks us in the ass.

- Jeremiah, The Face in the Mirror

FAMILY: 30th Wedding Anniversary

2009-12-01T15:36:00.000-08:00

Today would have been my 30th wedding anniversary. I’m glad it’s not. Please, don’t misunderstand. I think a fulfilling marriage is a beautiful thing, but that’s not what I had. I had a man, who was more comfortable in being the family baby than a responsible husband and father. Before that, I came from a home where my father was free to lose his temper simply because it made him feel powerful. People wonder why I have no interest in marrying again. I wonder why they do.

At about 10, I looked at my parent’s marriage and decided that it wasn’t what I wanted. When I graduated from college, I rethought it. It’s a couples' world, and suddenly I didn’t fit. I had avoided long-term relationships for years and then did a 180. Yeah, I should have been more selective. I was brought up to believe that I was the problem. I decided to become what the marriage needed, but one person can’t do it all.

Its not that I dislike men, (See http://fatfamilyotherfwords.blogspot.com/2009/11/to-find-mate.html ) but I like being in control of my life. I would love to split the responsibilities with someone … particularly someone that understands cars and computers. In my experience, that’s not what happens. I cook, clean, wash and manage. He shows up and complains.

When people talk about statistics for divorced families, they compare them to happy, functioning relationships. That’s not the choice. I had to choose between a dysfunctional marriage that set a bad example for my kids or a divorce. I regret not choosing a better man to be the father of my children. I do not regret divorce.

For more, see http://fatfamilyotherfwords.blogspot.com/2009/09/family-d-i-v-o-r-c-e-anniversary.html

FIASCO: White House Gate Crashers

2009-12-01T08:17:00.000-08:00

On the TODAY show, they claimed they were “devastated.” In USA Today, they said, "Our lives have been destroyed." Michaele and Tareq Salahi are idiots. They went somewhere they weren’t invited, and there’s some unpleasantness. PLEASE! If this is the worst thing that has ever happened to these drama queens, they’ve lead sheltered lives.

I don’t care if they crashed a party. I do care that security was so lax that someone could get in. Next time, they might have a gun.

I don’t want these idiots wasting my time with their attention-seeking. They told Matt Lauer that they were invited, but offered no proof. They said they’d bring it to him “soon.” Get real! These are social climbers just want to brad about the famous people they’ve met.

FUNNY Tuesday: Most Popular Diet Books of 2009

2009-12-01T07:53:00.000-08:00

1. EATING DISORDERS by ANNA REXIA

2. HOW TO GAIN WEIGHT by ELLIE FUNT

3. ITALIAN FOOD by PEPE RONI

4. MEAT EATERS by CARNEY VORE

5. LOW-FAT HOG RECIPES by LENA BACON

6. CONTINENTAL BREAKFASTS by ROLAND BUTTER

7. HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT by X. R. Sizemore

8. LOSE WEIGHT NOW by Y. B. Phatt

Quote for 12/1/09: Photography as Art

2009-12-01T07:47:00.000-08:00

The accomplishment of the photograph has to do with the beauty … the mystery. Without those, why care? The photograph – whatever way it’s inspiring – makes us care and that is where art comes in.

Rhea Van David Val – editor of the Image Collection from National Geographic
Interviewed on CBS Sunday Morning

Monday's FAVORITE Website: MahJong Solitaire

2009-11-30T13:54:00.000-08:00

I learned on a super-easy version in my daughter's computer. But easy is boring once you get the hang of it. A game takes about 5 minutes. It gets my mind off whatever I'm struggling with, but it’s not so engrossing that I lose an afternoon.

http://www.mahjonged.com/mahjong_solitaire.html

If you want to know what the tiles mean, go to
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahjong_tiles

How Restrained Was My FEASTING?

2009-11-30T13:15:00.000-08:00

You see these articles all the time. “How to do” this or that, but do they REALLY live like that. Last week I wrote “15 Tips for Retrained Feasting. So I can talk the talk, but did I walk the walk? For the original article, go to: http://fatfamilyotherfwords.blogspot.com/2009/11/fifteen-tips-for-restrained-feasting.html Here’s my tally:

1 - Don’t skip meals. No problem here.

2 – Indulge a little. The operative phrase is “a little.” I had one piece of pie on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Perhaps that has a little too much.

3 - Small plates. Been doing this for years. I don’t need a huge plate, so why use it? It works year round.

4 - Pick protein. I like turkey, not a problem.

5 - Grab a garden. Good in theory, but fell apart in practice. Lisa invites me to her house when my kids are at their dad’s. She is a good midwestern cook, so there wasn’t a naked fruit or veggie to be found. Covered in marshmallows. Buried under cheese. It was delicious, but not no-cal.

My kids chose to have our dinner on Friday night. Since I worked Friday, Beth cooked. My rule for a 3 person Thanksgiving is one meat, one starch, one veggie and one dessert, but Beth wanted to make all her favorites. In addition to turkey, we had mashed potatoes from scratch, stuffing with apples and cranberries (m-m-m), baked sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, biscuits, gravy and apple pie. As a concession to me, Beth served marshmallows on the side for the sweet potatoes. I didn’t want to hurt her feeling, so yeah, I had a little of everything. She did a great job of cooking, but my diet was not in good shape.

Anyhow, I did NOT grab a garden, because no garden was available. Next year, I need to bring a dish that works with my diet. See point 10.\

6 - Less Booze. One glass of champagne at Lisa’s. One beer with my son. One glass large glass of eggnog. Not awful, but perhaps I should consider eggnog moderation.

7 – Don’t take a holiday from the gym. Again, it sounded good. In practice, I missed the mark. Wednesday night, Beth and I went to the movie after work. Good News: No popcorn. Bad News: No Gym. Thursday, I got home from Lisa’s after dark. Friday, our dinner was right after work. I tried to make up for it on the weekend by walking a total of 9 miles – 4 ½ each day. I’m not as fast as on the treadmill, but it must help.

8 - Sleep. Except for Black Friday, I want fine here.

9 - Relax. We-e-l-l-l. This is a stressful time of year in advertising.

10 – Bring what you need. Completely overlooked this one. I’ve always brought booze to Lisa’s. There’s no reason I can’t bring 2 things.

11 – Avoid temptation – literally. I didn’t go to buffets, but I do understand how tempting they are.

12 – Wait. Rather than loading up and going back for more, I gathered a moderately full small plate. Tried to eat slowly. (A problem for me.) And then waited a while before considering additional stuff. It did help. I tend to keep eating because others are. It’s not like I was hungry.

13 - Wear slightly tight pants. I’ve lost weight, so none of my pants are that tight. I did not wear elastic waists.

14 - Plan events that aren’t food focused. We did a movie. I wanted to do the early morning Black Friday thing, but neither child wanted to get up at dawn. Can’t say that I blame them.

15 – Avoid emotional eating. Not that emotional. I’ve been divorced a long time. A holiday without my kids is not a crisis. And really, it’s not WITHOUT, just relocated.

Summary: I totally missed what I should have done – bring something diet friendly. On the plus side, I tried to counteract it with exercise.

Quote for 11/30/09: Bill Geist on Pie

2009-11-30T12:00:00.000-08:00

Do you toss and turn at night worrying about where your next pie is coming from?

-- Bill Geist on CBS Sunday Morning 11/22/09

Quote for 11/29/09: John Fitzgerald Kennedy on Thanksgiving

2009-11-30T11:59:00.000-08:00

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Quote for 11/28/09: Irving Berlin on Thanks

2009-11-30T11:58:00.000-08:00

Got no checkbooks, got no banks. Still I'd like to express my thanks - I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night. ~Irving Berlin

Black FRIDAY

2009-11-27T08:50:00.000-08:00

Dogs think you’re crazy, when you break your routine. When my alarm went off at 4:30 this morning, Toby thought I’d lost my mind.

I had a plan. Up at 4:30 and out of the house by 5. I’d hit Penny’s for the projection TV thing that Eric wants at 5:30 and Target for the compact DVD player Beth had on her list at 6. I wanted to leave my car at the mechanics by 6:30. (He’s looking at the brakes.) Beth was supposed to pick me up and drop me at Farm King for my 7 o’clock remote with Sam. In theory, it was good.

In practice, it just takes me longer than a half hour to get going. I stepped into the shower at 5, when I’d originally planned to hit the road. I arrived at Penny’s at 5:45. There were 3 projections things left. I was at a register within 5 minutes of walking in the store. This was great. I was catchin’ up. Then, she had to call my check in. I waited while she talked on the phone. She went back to the register, reentered up numbers, frowned and went back to the phone. I tried to stay calm. I balanced before I came. Had I made a mistake? Missed something with the debit card? Turns out, whoever entered me in their system, combined my checking number with my driver’s license. I didn’t get out till 6:15. The DVD player was at both Staples and Target, but Target was closer. (I lucked out here, because Staples only hade 3 people on registers and not much in stock.) Target was crazy when I went in and the DVD players were not in the electronics department. Why would you do that? After asking 3 different people, I found them with the baby clothes. 4 left. This time check out was easy.

I was a couple of minutes late for the remote, but I’m not the jock, so it’s no big deal. Sam and I spent 2 hours on a camouflage print sofa at Farm King, talking to customers and each other. Remotes give me a chance to pick the DJ’s brains and I enjoy Sam. She starts a new job in Colorado next week and will be missed.

FRIDAY FOTOS: FELINE FRIENDS

2009-11-27T08:07:00.000-08:00

Jordan is my old man cat. He's the black one.

Fiona is the calico. She's full of energy ... most of the time.

This is a peaceful moment.

Quote for 11/27/09: Thanksgiving Toast

2009-11-26T17:07:00.000-08:00

Happy We-Stole-Your-Land-and-Killed-Your-People Day! ~Thanksgiving toast, from the movie Sweet November

FESTIVE and FUNNY: How To Cook A Turkey

2009-11-26T16:34:00.000-08:00

Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch)

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

Step 7: Turn oven the on

Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky

Step 9: Turk the bastey

Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours

Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick

Step 17: Turk the carvey

Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

Thursday's FEATURED Video

2009-11-26T16:18:00.000-08:00

I have only recently learned that all computer screens on the inside are covered with bacteria, dust, germs, etc. that can be dangerous to your health. This can prove to be a health hazard for everyone useing the computer. Some at the CDC in Atlanta have recently said that this problem can be as dangerous as cigarette smoking because of the time that most of us are now spending on computers for work and personal reasons.

As a special Thanksgiving present to my followers, I am providing you with the link below. It will show you a brief video on how to respond to this health threat. This is special program is FREE to you for a limited time only. Http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf

Twilight FRENZY

2009-11-26T16:06:00.000-08:00

Beth and I saw New Moon, the second Twilight movie. The first left out a lot of the book. It was disappointing. New Moon was better, but not great. Kristen Stewart is not particularly good, but then the role requires a quantity of moping - not all that simulating. The guys spend a lot of time shirtless – which is oh so very fine. The teenage girls in front of me sighed loudly every time Jacob took his off. It was funny.

The plot is from the book and being in a movie did not improve it. Edward is too good – a soap opera guy who says things women think they want to hear. Bella as I mentioned before is mopey and obsessive. Jacob is the only interesting one – in this book. He gets obsessive later. I do think Alice was well cast. She looks exactly as I pictured her.

It was fun, but it's not a movie I want to own.

Quote for 11/26/09: Edward Sandford Martin on Gratitude

2009-11-26T06:09:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; but to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow. ~Edward Sandford Martin

FEASTIVE and FUNNY: Signs You Overdid Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T08:18:00.000-08:00

Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy!

The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 12' boat!

You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail

Friday you set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog.

Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded mashed potatoes

That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn.

Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice.

Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.

You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.

You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.

World's fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!"

The “Biggest Loser” calls you.

Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.

Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.

You're sweatin' gravy.

You consider gluttony your patriotic duty

Wednesday Morning Weight-In

2009-11-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

Werll, I'm back to 192. Looking at the holiday, I just hope to maintain that through next week.

FIFTEEN Tips For Restrained FEASTING

2009-11-25T05:50:00.000-08:00

A new study shows that Americans gain only about one pound over the holidays. Fewer than 10% gain 5 pounds or more. Here are 15 ways to be thankful ... after Thanksgiving.
1 - Don’t skip meals. You’d think skipping breakfast would balance a big dinner, but it doesn’t work that way. Starving yourself before a party only ensures that you’ll go overboard later.

2 – Indulge a little. Once the holidays are over, the goodies are gone. Instead of depriving yourself of everything, pick out a few foods you truly want. Do it ahead of time, when temptation isn’t under your nose. In other words, I’ll have the stuffing, but skip the potatoes. Try going for halves. Instead of taking as much as you normally would, take ½ as much. You’ll still get some, but you do less diet damage.

3 - Small plates. A big plate looks empty with a small serving on it – to both you and your hostess “Are you sure you don’t want more?” Grab a small plate and stop when it’s full. This works year round.

4 - Pick protein. Select lean protein and cut down on starches and sweets.

5 - Grab a garden. Fill up on fresh, fiber-rich fruits and vegetables, but skip the high-fat dips.

6 - Less Booze. Alcohol contains hundreds of empty calories. If you’re tipsy, you may indulge in the things you would have avoided sober. Choose lo-cal options (wine and light beer) and have fewer.

7 – Don’t take a holiday from the gym. Continue to be active. More food and less exercise is not a good combination. Better yet, increase your routine. Add an extra day or stay longer. Weight = calories taken in plus or minus calories burned up. If that doesn’t work, park on the far side of the parking lot and walk to the stores on Black Friday. That’s the only place you’ll be able to find a spot anyway.

8 - Sleep. When you’re tired, you’re tempted to eat more to recharge … and it tends to be junk food.

9 - Relax. Stress is a trigger to eat more. You don’t have to do everything. It’s not a competition.

10 – Bring what you need. Bring a veggie plate to parties. Fill it with your favorites. This way you something that’s on your diet.

11 – Avoid temptation – literally. Stand as far away from the buffet table as you can get. Why make things harder on yourself? Out of sight. Out of mind.

12 – Wait. If you want more, wait a half hour at least. It takes that long for the food to reach the point in your digestive track where you feel full. Time is on your side. The longer you put of additional nibbling, the less you’ll do.

13 - Wear slightly tight pants. Pick something you look great in. Remember that whenever you’re tempted.

14 - Plan events that aren’t food focused. Have you noticed that so many holiday traditions center on eating? Go somewhere. Play games. Do something that’s fun, but not fattening.

15 – Avoid emotional eating. Happy. Sad. Lonely. These can all be reasons to eat. Beware of why you’re reaching for junk you don’t need. Food will not solve any problem but hunger.

Quote for 11/25/09: Irv Kupcinet on Holiday Eating

2009-11-25T05:48:00.000-08:00

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. - Irv Kupcinet

A FEAST of Lettuce?

2009-11-24T11:13:00.000-08:00

Lettuce is not a celebration. A celebration involves dessert.

My kids are going to their Dad’s for Thanksgiving. I have no local family but them, so it doesn’t matter to me when we celebrate … just as long as we do it sometime. Lisa took pity on me and invited me over. In turn, I bring booze. I’ll try to show restraint – minimal hors d'oeuvres (mostly carrots), turkey and stuffing, a dab of cranberry sauce, veggies and desert. I can live without potatoes. It’ll still be too much, but it’s only once per year. That’s the problem. For the next month, we’ll be saying “it’s only once per year” a lot.

On Friday, Beth and I will hit the Black Friday sales. Then at 6:30, I’ll leave my car at the mechanic’s and she’ll drop me off at Farm King before 7 a.m. for their annual live broadcast. (You know you live in a rural area, when there is a chain of department stores called Farm King.) Sam will give me a ride back to the stations. I’ll work till 5 (lucky me), even though the only business people open will be too busy to look at an advertising person. Beth (my domestic goddess) is cooking our Thanksgiving dinner. This was her choice. (I can do it on Saturday, but she asked to take over last year and did great.) She’s even baking pie from scratch. I can’t tell the difference between pre-made crusts and scratch, so it never seemed worth the hassle. I’ll make over her for a lot though, because she’s gone to a lot of effort.

I wish I liked holidays better. When I was married, holidays were such a battleground. Dennis and his family pouted if they didn’t get them all. My mom got pissed, if she was bumped to the following weekend too many times. Divorce did not make it easier. When you work full time, it’s hard to be the perfect event planner … particularly when you quit enjoying them. I’m happy to let other’s have the hostess spotlight.

Since I won’t be cooking, not going food-crazy should be easier. That’s the theory, anyway.

FUNNY Tuesday: The Hair Cut

2009-11-24T10:04:00.000-08:00

A CO-WORKER whose on-and-off diet of the last five years has yielded no visible results, responded to a compliment on her new haircut with: "It's a desperate attempt to lose weight!"

FESTIVE and FUNNY: Thanksgiving FORECAST

2009-11-24T10:00:00.001-08:00

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon. High near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder. During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone

To FIND a Mate

2009-11-24T10:00:00.000-08:00

Even when I weighed 270, this happened … sometimes. Now that I’m merely chubby and not gross, it’s occurring more often. A client said, “Since you’ve lost all that weight, maybe you’ll meet a man.” I’m the same person today that I was 75 to 80 pounds ago, but apparently packaging is everything.

She didn’t intend anything negative. I, in turn, don’t wish to be rude to a gal doesn’t deserve it and is the source of my income. Generally, the women (and it’s almost always women) who say this have a happy marriage. For them, a spouse equals happiness. That’s not my experience.

I used to say something about women needing a man like a fish needs a bicycle. (I wish I could remember who originally said that.) While I love the line, it just fuels the if-you-don’t-want-a-man-you-must-be-gay philosophy. A good friend of mine from college is a lesbian. I work with another. They are good gals and who they sleep with is not my business. I would prefer not to have misinformation thrown about. So I have found another way.

“Well,” I said. “It’s not that I don’t like to look, because I do. I like to window shop a lot. But the thing is, I like to look at elephants, too. But I don’t want to bring one home, feed it, clean up after it and listen to it whine.”

She laughed. Problem solved.

Quote for 11/24/09: Kevin James on Thanksgiving

2009-11-24T09:59:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants. ~Kevin James

FESTIVE and FUNNY: Thanksgiving News Story

2009-11-24T08:06:00.000-08:00

Chicago, IL (DPI) - In what is becoming more and more common on holidays here in America, an entire family exploded shortly after finishing their Thanksgiving dinner. Investigators from the Cook County Sheriff Department said that, while the sheer size of the meal certainly played a part in the Turkey Day Massacre, the straw that broke the gobbler's back was in fact the whipped cream on the top of the pumpkin pie. Sheriff Bill Gutt commented, "Yep, it was the Cool-Whip what done it. People just ain't got no common sense."

Monday's Web FIXATION: Black FRIDAY

2009-11-23T10:43:00.000-08:00

I used to find Black Friday sales a waste. I work and don’t have a lot of time to run a round. You have to offer me a lot to get me out of bed at 4 a.m. But recently, the retailers have made it worth my time. Both Wal-Mart and J.C. Penny already have their ads on line.

Quote for 11/23/09: Erma Bombeck on Thanksgiving

2009-11-22T20:01:00.000-08:00

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? -- Erma Bombeck in No One Diets on Thanksgiving