FUNNY Tuesday: FITNESS Thoughts

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is!

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up?

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't jog... it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

Gravel Road FITNESS

I think (hope) I’ve found a way to bust through this plateau. It always boils down to “Eat less. Exercise more.” Right now, I’m having a problem eating less, so I’m trying to exercise more on the weekends.

I fractured my diet over Thanksgiving, so I decided to walk 4 miles a day that Saturday and Sunday. Maybe, it would undo the damage. Why can’t I just keep that up? So this weekend, I did the same. At my weight, walking 4 miles in an hour burns up 432 calories. If you weight more, you’ll burn more calories. This is the calorie calculator I used - http://walking.about.com/library/cal/uccalc1.htm  It doesn’t consider the incline.

According to the treadmill at the gym, I’m burning 400 calories - 3 nights a week. I’m not sweating for an hour, but I'm walking up hill. All totaled, I’m exercising off 2,000 calories per week. A pound is 3,600 calories. Providing I keep my eating under control, I should lose 3 to 5 pounds a month. Of course, that’s the rub. Exercise more, but don’t eat more.

FITNESS: Pilates

I used to be ready to drop about 15 minutes in. Now it's more like 40. Then, when she moves out of the abs, I get a 2nd wind. Someday, I want to make it all the way through without drooping.

We have a new group in class now. Most are a lot younger than me. Some of the exercises (not all) I'm better at than they are. Yes, I'm smug.

FITNESS: Death by Pilate’s

Back in the BC (again, before children), I started my day at 6:00 with a Jane Fonda aerobics video. My kids laugh when I say this, but I was in good shape. Then, I got pregnant with Eric. She’d start that video with some simple neck exercises and I’d throw up in the first 5 minutes. I put on enough weight to give birth to grade school kid. After he was born, I lost part of it, but I was tired all the time. Then, I had Beth. I don’t remember if I tried very hard after that. In the beginning of my marriage, my husband told me I was fat and I cared. By this point, I was over it. About 10 years ago, I started walking in the morning and lost around 50 pounds. Then things got crazy at work and I stopped.

Today, I’m trying to undo … well Eric is 23, so I’m trying to undo 24 years of over eating and under exercising. I thought a year and a half on the treadmill would put me in pretty good shape. That was before Pilate’s.

I can do the arm workout. It burns … it burns a lot, but I’ve been doing some arm stuff on the treadmill since January, so there are a few muscles there. Not only can I touch my toes, but I can put my hands flat on the floor. It’s gardening. I have bad knees. I bend from the hips, when I weed instead of kneeling. The backs of my thighs are iron … but the inner thighs are a flabby mess.

I have big-gut-flat-butt syndrome. My abs are Jell-O. I’ve got nothing. As I have said before, this fat and I have been together a couple of decades. It will not go quietly. This is my third week, and I have yet to do the whole abs series. That’s my goal, and it may kill me. So if I suddenly quit posting, you’ll know what happened … death by Pilate’s.


The instructor and my friends have been very supportive. They keep telling me I’m getting better. It’s bull, but I don’t care. I WILL get better, but I am just not better yet. Still, I appreciate the kindness

FITNESS: The treadmill vs. outside.

 Personally I prefer outside, but for the last year and ½, I’ve been using an indoor treadmill.

Pro-Inside:

• Outside, you can saunter or leisurely stroll. Inside, you set the speed and sweat to keep up.
• Outside, you take the route geography gives you. Inside, you control the incline
• Outside, you get a holiday for snow, rain, heat and darkness. Inside, calories do not take holidays, so neither do you.

Toss up:

• Inside, you watch TV. Outside, you watch Mother Nature. (I know this should be pro outside, but I’m a TV addict.)

 Pro – Outside

• Outside, your dogs can come with you. But if they find a skunk or take off after a deer, this is no longer a good thing.
• Outside, you benefit from sunshine, rich in vitamin D. Inside, you get florescent lighting.
• Outside, once you get to your goal, you still have to walk back. Inside, you can step off anytime you want.

 Of course, it doesn't really matter WHERE you exercise, only THAT you exercise