FAT Goals: The Pilate’s Mirror

At 73 pounds lighter and an average dress size, I feel pretty slinky these days. I’m not afraid to look in my new full-length mirror. Then, I go to Pilate’s. Chubby thighs. Floppy arms and a thick middle. The Pilate’s mirror shows me a different perspective. I’m not looking for sympathy, just noting the contrast. I’ve improved compared to the way I was, but I still have a long way to go. It’s not a race. I’m not a failure, because I’m not losing the weight fast. What matters is I’m losing it.

My daughter force-fed me “What Not to Wear” until I quit postponing new clothes. Waiting until I was finished dieting was a dumb idea. (Beth would nod and make a wisecrack here. So would Stacy & Clinton.) Size 14s look silly wearing size 20 & 22. I have a new wardrobe now, and I like it. It feels wasteful buying clothes that will (hopefully) be too small next year. I've shopped sales and Goodwill, so I haven’t been too crazy.



Life is good, so I started to wonder, "Have I come far enough?" Some clients and co-workers have said, “don’t get carried away,” or “you don’t want to be too thin.” (Too thin is highly unlikely.) I’ve been encouraged to stop.



For 21 months, I’ve worked on this and had several goals. The first was to be an average size. Since I was a 12 before (and they say you never get back to the pre-baby weight), a size 14 seemed reasonable. I went through all that yesterday.



Then, it was to weight 150, the top of the height/weight charts for 5’8’and yes, the pre-baby weight. But I’m not 5”8 any more. I’ve shrunk. I don’t know if it’s age or all that fat dragging me down. (If I lose more, will I pop back up? Probably not.)



Then there’s the whole bone structure thing. Am I really big boned or just looking for an excuse?



I don’t care what the right number is. Not really. I just want a weight I can maintain. I love having energy again. Feeling healthy is better than chocolate. (Not that I don’t occasionally indulge.) I don’t want to go back to 270.



Just a Note: I've been able to do this for 21 months, because I’ve changed or am trying to. This isn’t an 800 or 900 calorie diet. I couldn’t keep that up. I’m ranging between 1500 and 1200 – pretty moderate. I’m trying to eat like a person who isn’t fat.