Never wash the car, when there's a crew working on your road.
Why buy an iron when you have a dryer and a wet sock?
Teach your children to play Tetras. It prepares them for college dorms.
It says something interesting about our country when the most profane word is the sex act. Songs, movies and novels are full of it. Advertising hints with enthusiasm. But we aren’t supposed to say it.
A good boss judges you by your work. A mediocre one judges you by his ego.
What idiot put Mother’s Day in May? It should be in August … on the first day of school.
Fat is profanity for the new millennium. It’s better to say “Fuck off,’ than “You’re fat.”
The only way that grilling is easier than using a stove is if your husband does it.
Think a circus can pack a lot of clowns in a little car? Watch your daughter pack up for college … or fill a closet.
Only a man would design a bathroom with a spacious area around the toilet and a narrow spot by the sink.
Big dogs are big cowards. Little dogs bark a good game.
Your tomboy has grown up when her nice tops out number her T-shirts.
When your children go back to college, they’ll miss the pets. They’ll miss the DVR. But they may not miss you. Your wallet, yes. You, not so much.
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