FUNNY: Last Week on Late Night

"Federal agents will no longer go after patients taking medical marijuana or their suppliers under the new guidelines by the Obama Administration. President Obama is very smart. He figures if he couldn't appease the left by withdrawing from Iraq or closing Gitmo or appealing 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell,' they'll all be too stoned to care." -Jay Leno



"It was smart for them to try this balloon stunt while President Obama's in office. That wouldn't have worked with Bush Administration. Cheney would have shot that balloon down." -Jay Leno


"The White House is calling for bailed-out executives to get a 90% pay cut. They want their pay cut 90% so it's more in line with the job they're doing. Here's my question: why can't we get this for Congress?" -Jay Leno



"Yesterday in Louisiana, a judge denied an interracial couple a marriage license because he felt, I quote, their children would later suffer in life from being interracial. Like when they become president or win the Masters or get an Oscar." -Jay Leno


"Here's the latest form the Pentagon. The generals are worried that the White House is spreading itself thin by trying to fight a war on two fronts: with Afghanistan and Fox News." -Jay Leno

"Did you see what happened to Rush Limbaugh? Hey wanted to buy the St. Louis Rams and they wouldn't let him. He said this was a dream he had, to some day own black people." -Bill Maher

"The Dow hit 10,000 this week, everybody! For the first time since the market collapse. And people were so excited, they took to the streets to celebrate, which is easy because so many of them live there." -Bill Maher