"Google has announced that they're going to give free Internet access in airports all across the country. It's fantastic! Up until now, the only way to see something pornographic at an airport was to follow a senator into the bathroom." -Craig Ferguson
"Carrie Prejean is in the news again. She's the beauty pageant contestant who spoke out against gay marriage. She's a very family-values-oriented woman who, in her spare time, made a pornographic video tape. She says it is not a sex tape because she's the only one in it. It's s solo sex tape. It's the first female solo sex tape . . . she flies solo. She's like the Amelia Earhart of the naked." -Jimmy Kimmel
"CBS News is reporting that President Obama has decided to send 40,000 more troops to Afghanistan. Obama says it's all part of his plan to finally deliver on the campaign promises made by John McCain." -Jimmy Fallon
"Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, who was forced to resign because he used prostitutes, will deliver a lecture tomorrow at the Harvard center for Ethics. Yeah, if you want to check out the speech, it costs $500 for half an hour, $900 if you want to stay for the whole hour." -Jimmy Fallon
"Congressman William Jefferson, who the FBI caught with 90,000 dollars in bribe money in his freezer, has been convicted of 11 counts of bribery and corruption. Jefferson still says he did nothing wrong. He claims he just fell in with the wrong crowd -- Congress." -Jay Leno
"Three young Americans have been charged with espionage in Iran after straying into the country while hiking in Iraq. Now, obviously, we all pray for their safe return. But hiking in Iraq? I mean -- you know, if you're hiking in Iraq and Iran, you might want to get a you new travel agent. Okay? ... I mean, who goes hiking in Iraq? What was the rafting trip to Somalia all booked up?" -Jay Leno
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