To FIND a Mate

Even when I weighed 270, this happened … sometimes. Now that I’m merely chubby and not gross, it’s occurring more often. A client said, “Since you’ve lost all that weight, maybe you’ll meet a man.” I’m the same person today that I was 75 to 80 pounds ago, but apparently packaging is everything.

She didn’t intend anything negative. I, in turn, don’t wish to be rude to a gal doesn’t deserve it and is the source of my income. Generally, the women (and it’s almost always women) who say this have a happy marriage. For them, a spouse equals happiness. That’s not my experience.

I used to say something about women needing a man like a fish needs a bicycle. (I wish I could remember who originally said that.) While I love the line, it just fuels the if-you-don’t-want-a-man-you-must-be-gay philosophy. A good friend of mine from college is a lesbian. I work with another. They are good gals and who they sleep with is not my business. I would prefer not to have misinformation thrown about. So I have found another way.

“Well,” I said. “It’s not that I don’t like to look, because I do. I like to window shop a lot. But the thing is, I like to look at elephants, too. But I don’t want to bring one home, feed it, clean up after it and listen to it whine.”

She laughed. Problem solved.