FAMILY: 30th Wedding Anniversary

Today would have been my 30th wedding anniversary. I’m glad it’s not. Please, don’t misunderstand. I think a fulfilling marriage is a beautiful thing, but that’s not what I had. I had a man, who was more comfortable in being the family baby than a responsible husband and father. Before that, I came from a home where my father was free to lose his temper simply because it made him feel powerful. People wonder why I have no interest in marrying again. I wonder why they do.

At about 10, I looked at my parent’s marriage and decided that it wasn’t what I wanted. When I graduated from college, I rethought it. It’s a couples' world, and suddenly I didn’t fit. I had avoided long-term relationships for years and then did a 180. Yeah, I should have been more selective. I was brought up to believe that I was the problem. I decided to become what the marriage needed, but one person can’t do it all.

Its not that I dislike men, (See http://fatfamilyotherfwords.blogspot.com/2009/11/to-find-mate.html ) but I like being in control of my life. I would love to split the responsibilities with someone … particularly someone that understands cars and computers. In my experience, that’s not what happens. I cook, clean, wash and manage. He shows up and complains.

When people talk about statistics for divorced families, they compare them to happy, functioning relationships. That’s not the choice. I had to choose between a dysfunctional marriage that set a bad example for my kids or a divorce. I regret not choosing a better man to be the father of my children. I do not regret divorce.

For more, see http://fatfamilyotherfwords.blogspot.com/2009/09/family-d-i-v-o-r-c-e-anniversary.html